____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
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