I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
