i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
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