Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
