i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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