I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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