im covered in puffy paint and glitter i cant find kevin and im wearing shoes that dont belong to me....come get me please
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
