I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Randomize
