dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Randomize
