Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
my poor anus
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
