i permit you to call me
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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