4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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