Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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