I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
