We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
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