P.S. I can't hear my feet
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
