he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize