Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
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