Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
