Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
