So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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