youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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