I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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