return my video game
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize