You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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