he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
