If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
