this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize