you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
