remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
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