if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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