Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
