So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Randomize
