We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
