oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Still dying that you shit outside
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
