Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Randomize
