...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
Some dude with an OSU jersey just kissed him in the face in front of everyone. I should mention he's wearing a Panda costume. And has already been offered $20 for his suit by Plushies for oral sex.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Randomize
