Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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