he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
