Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
