The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize
