I'm laying in your front yard are you home
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Randomize