my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
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