dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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