This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
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