oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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