My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
