I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
