So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
I'm both gender and math confused
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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