dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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