I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
Randomize
