i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Randomize
