imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
