You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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