Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
