chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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