this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
