who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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