I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Your dad touched me again.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
