I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
