does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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