if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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