Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Im part way to drunk.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize
