Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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